A Detective Story
by Total Drama Addict
Summary: The title pretty much says it all, huh? Basically, Eva loses something and 'asks' Ezekiel to help her find it.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** here it is, my first ever detective story! And, by the way, _italics_ are Ezekiel's detective monologue. You might notice that the _italics_ tell a different story than the non-italics. Just keep in mind that the real story is not in _italics_.

_The name is Zeke, resident private eye of the Playa Des Losers. I solve minor crimes and problems, the bigger stuff is for my superiors to handle. Not that I wouldn't like to handle the big stuff, just that I'm much too... as my superiors would say, inexperienced, to handle such problems._

The door to Ezekiel's room burst open, and Eva stormed in.

_Two o'clock, yesterday afternoon, a nice looking girl came into my office, asking me to help her find a lost music player._

"Somebody stole my MP3 player, and you're gonna help me find it!" she said, lifting him up by his shirt collar.

_I took a good look at her before answering. This kind of girl would not tolerate any nonsense, no matter how pretty she was._

"Eva! You interrupted my detective monologue!" Ezekiel complained, all the while struggling to get free of Eva's grip.

"What detective monologue?" she asked.

"You wouldn't understand." he answered.

"So will you help me, or not?" she asked.

"You said 'you're gonna help me find it'. That doesn't imply a choice." He said.

_The girl said her name was Eva. She was very sweet, and if our meeting was for a different reason, I might have tried to flirt with her. But this was business, and I had a music player to find._

"Then I'll take that as a yes." she said, setting him down.

"Alright, so who do you think took it?" he asked.

_I asked her about any possible suspects she had in mind. There was only one, a girl named Heather._

"It had to have been Heather. She stole it last time." she said.

"Do you have any idea how she might have taken it?" he asked.

"Well, earlier this morning, I left my room to go swimming. When I came back, I realized I had forgotten to shut my door. I went to the table I left my MP3 player on, but it wasn't there." she said.

"And you didn't just misplace it? Maybe you lost it in your room somewhere." he said.

"Yeah, but I spent most of the morning looking for it in my room. It wasn't there." she said.

"Alright, but just to be sure, I'm gonna check the surveillance tapes." he said. "I'll call you when I find something."

"Oh no, I'm coming with you." she said.

_I realized that the best place to begin was the surveillance room at the hotel. I told Eva I'd inform her of anything I found, but she insisted on coming with me. She must have really been worried. So I allowed her to come. I went to the front desk at the Playa Des Losers, asking permission to go in the surveillance room. The guy behind the counter wasn't sure if he should let me, but one of the hotel workers was a good friend of mine, and gave me the key to the room._

Ezekiel crawled silently through the air vents, with Eva following behind him. He paused at a fork in the vent.

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Eva asked, her voice hushed to a whisper. Ezekiel then remembered which way to go, and continued on.

"Of course I know where I'm going. I do this all the time!" he whispered back.

"Remind me again why we're taking the air vents." she said.

"Because I don't have the key to the surveillance room! If I ever get my hands on the key, I'll get a copy made so we don't have to do this next time." he said.

"What makes you think there will be a next time?" she asked.

"Well, this isn't the first time I've gone through these vents. Like I said, I do this all the time." he said. He reached the right vent, and tied a rope to it before he opened it. The rope dropped to the ground, and he looked around. Then, satisfied that the room was empty, he climbed down the rope.

"All clear!" he whispered up to Eva. She descended the rope and he began rifling through the tapes.

"Tapes. What, Chris's budget isn't big enough to afford high tech cameras?" she asked.

"Not after all the money he spends on himself. I bet this hotel was expensive enough as it is." he said. He found a tape marked for that morning, and put it in the tape player.

_After watching a few tapes, we had four suspects. Their names were Heather (who Eva had mentioned earlier), Izzy (who was crazy beyond comprehension), Duncan (a known criminal), and Chef Hatchet (the chef at the hotel). A chipmunk had also ran by Eva's room, bu t what use would a chipmunk have for a music player?_

"Alright, now that we have four suspects-" she said.

"Don't you mean five?" he asked.

"Five? Only if you think a chipmunk is capable of grand theft MP3 player." she said. "So, as I was saying, now that we have four suspects, it's time for a little undercover detective work."

"Detective work meaning spying, sneaking around, spying, hunting for clues, spying..." he said.

"You said spying three times." she said.

"I like spying." he said.

**A/N**

Me: yeah, Ezekiel likes spying.

Kayla: it sure seems like he would.

Derek: I'm liking the detective monologue.

Me: yeah, it's kind of like Ezekiel and I are taking turns telling the story.

Ezekiel: speaking of which, could you tell the story so it's closer to mine?

Me: I'm telling what really happened. You need to make your story more like mine.

Eva: she's right, you know.

Ezekiel: yeah, I know...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** so, it's time for Ezekiel to do some spying. The question is not whether Eva will help or not, the question is whether Ezekiel will keep lying in his monologue or not. Knowing him, he probably will.

* * *

><p><em>After obtaining the master key to the hotel, I decided it was time to do some searching. While the suspects were away, I could search in their rooms for the missing object. And when Eva insisted on helping me, I decided I could use a watchdog of sorts. All she had to do was keep an eye out for the suspects, and warn me if she saw any coming.<em>

Ezekiel tried to tell Eva he didn't need her help, but she wouldn't listen.

"I don't need any help." he said

"I'm helping you." she said. There was no point in arguing further. It was best to just let her help.

"Okay. You can take this walkie-talkie and tell me if any suspects are coming my way while I look around." Ezekiel said. He handed her a walkie-talkie, and put the other in his pocket.

"Alright, I can do that. But how are you going to search the rooms of the suspects?" she asked.

"Same way I got in the surveillance room. The air vents go everywhere!" he said.

"That's a little disturbing." she said.

_I decided to start with Heather. Out of the four, she actually scares me the least. The only reason I'm afraid of Izzy is because she's so unpredictable. I know Izzy well. In fact, I once had a crush on her. But that was before she started dating a large boy named Owen. Since then it's been kind of tense between us, and I wouldn't want her to find me rifling through her things. Then Duncan is a known criminal, and who knows what kinds of things he's done. Chef Hatchet is just a scary guy. And then there's Heather. I decided that Heather was the most likely to have stolen it, and if I could find it in her room, I wouldn't have to bother the other suspects._

Ezekiel finally reached the vent that led to Heather's room, got the rope ready, and descended. It wasn't in plain sight. He looked around, but didn't see it. He decided it wasn't there, and went back into the vents. He had just untied his rope and closed the vent when Eva informed him Heather was on her way. He told her not to worry and that he was already out. She also said that Duncan was inside and she would tell him when he came back outside. Since that left Izzy and Chef Hatchet, Ezekiel decided to go with Izzy.

_Since I currently couldn't go in Duncan's room, I decided to go ahead and get Izzy over with. It was a long walk to Izzy's room, and I was shaking like a leaf when I got inside._

Ezekiel climbed down the rope into Izzy's room. He only had a short moment to look around when Eva's voice came through the walkie-talkie.

"Izzy's on her way, and going double time! You have to get out NOW!" she said. Ezekiel was so startled he almost dropped the walkie-talkie. He raced to the rope and climbed as fast as he could. He had scarcely got up and shut the vent when the door opened.

_I was almost caught while looking around Izzy's room. If not for the balcony, I might not have escaped. Yes, when Eva informed me Izzy was on her way, I quickly realized I couldn't use the front door. I got out onto the balcony. I knew I had to get out, so I jumped to the nearest balcony. I barely stuck the landing. Then Izzy came out._

_"What's all the ruckus about? And what are you doing on Cody's balcony?" she asked. I felt myself blushing, in a very un-detective like way._

_"Umm..." was all I could manage._

_"Oh! Are you acting out Romeo and Juliet? Is it the balcony scene?" she asked._

_"Not exactly..." I said._

_"I believe your line is 'Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?'." she said._

_"No, Izzy." I said._

_"No? Then you must be balcony hopping! Can I play?" she asked. She then hopped over to the balcony I was on. "Come on! Let's have a balcony hopping race!"_

_Then I saw Cody walking under the balconies. He saw us, and I feared the worst._

_"Why are you on my balcony? How did you even get there?" he asked. Lucky for me, Izzy was already telling him something._

_"We're having a balcony hopping race! On your mark, get set, go!" she said. Then she started hopping across the balconies at an unbelievable pace. I just hopped to the ground and went on my way._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

Me: Ezekiel! You liar!

Ezekiel: what?

Kayla: that's not at all what happened!

Derek: yeah! Alana said you climbed back into the vent!

Ezekiel: no, I ran out to the balcony and jumped away.

Eva: no you didn't!

Ezekiel: how do you know? You weren't even there!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** do you have any idea how much fun I'm having with this? I hope you are having as much fun reading it as I am writing it!

* * *

><p>Ezekiel slowly backed up from the vent opening, hoping that Izzy couldn't hear him. She started talking to herself, saying something about... Esquire? Ezekiel didn't know who that was, but he was sure it was one of Izzy's 'friends'. No, it was obvious that she had no idea he had even been there. He continued to back up until he was back in the main vent. From there he was headed to Chef Hatchet's room, when Eva informed him the Duncan was back outside.<p>

_I was lucky when I found out Duncan wasn't in his room, I don't know what I would've done otherwise. Well, I guess I would've had to go in Chef Hatchet's room. But this convenient turn of events allowed me to avoid certain death. As it turned out, Chef Hatchet went in his room shortly after I got in Duncan's. Who knows what he would've done to me. Anyways, after thoroughly searching both Duncan and Chef Hatchet's rooms without a single trace of the stolen item, I decided to go for an interrogation of the suspects. They all peaceably agreed to interrogation._

Ezekiel finished his short search of the other two rooms from the safety of the air vent. Then he returned to Eva to tell her how it was going.

"Well... I haven't found it yet, so I want to question the suspects." Ezekiel said.

"Say no more, I'll take care of everything." Eva promised.

"Alright, I'll be in my off... bedroom." Ezekiel said.

He went in his room. In a matter of minutes, Eva had returned with four large burlap sacks, all tied with thick ropes. There were name tags on each of the bags, and Eva was holding a large frying pan. Ezekiel swallowed hard, and looked at the tags.

Chef Hatchet, Duncan, Heather, and Izzy.

He ought to have known that Eva wouldn't mess around.

"Wow. Um... that's great..." Ezekiel said, not sure of what to say.

"Who's up first?" Eva asked. "I bet Heather has it."

_I decided to question Heather first, since she stole it last time. Unfortunately, she didn't know where it was._

Ezekiel found Heather to be very light. He took her into his room and Eva helped him tie her to a chair. Eva went back outside, and Ezekiel turned the lights off and waited for Heather to wake up.

He heard Eva gleefully whacking the sacks with the frying pan outside and shuddered.

"What? What's going on...?" Heather asked, sleepily. Ezekiel flicked on the lamp on his table. "Ow! What's happening? What am I doing here? What... Ezekiel?"

"I'll ask the questions here. What happened to Eva's MP3 player?" Ezekiel asked. He angled the light so it shone in Heather's eyes.

"I don't know! And could you stop shining that in my eyes? I can't see!" Heather said.

"It's so you don't figure out where we are." Ezekiel said.

"Duh, we're in your smelly pig-sty of a bedroom. Your stupid cow can't keep it's big wet nose off me." Heather said. Eva walked into the room at that point, but Heather didn't seem to notice.

"She knows too much. Get her." Ezekiel said. Eva nodded and hit her over the head with the frying pan.

"You say she knows too much," Eva said, as she put Heather back in the sack. "But does she know where my MP3 player is?"

"She claimed she didn't know. Better search her just to be sure." Ezekiel said. Eva gave him a reproachful look. "Alright, no search."

"Who's next? Chef Hatchet?" Eva asked.

"Alright, bring him in." Ezekiel said.

_I questioned Chef Hatchet next, and he didn't know a thing._

Ezekiel turned on the lamp, and Chef sprung awake. Ezekiel only hoped the ropes would hold. He turned the light at the suspect.

"Where were you between the hours of 10:00 and 10:30?" Ezekiel asked.

"What?" Chef asked.

"You heard me! Where were you?" Ezekiel asked.

"I... I was getting lunch ready... in the kitchen..." Chef said.

"Did you happen to walk past Eva's bedroom?" Ezekiel asked.

"Yes, I had to get something on the other side of the building." Chef said.

"Did you, by any chance, have to get Eva's MP3 player?" Ezekiel asked.

"No." Chef said.

"Are you lying to me?" Ezekiel asked.

"Listen, kid. Do you have any idea how much trouble I'd get in for taking that?" Chef asked.

"So, what you're saying is, you don't have it." Ezekiel said. "Alright, take him away."

There came the sound of Eva whacking Chef repeatedly with the frying pan. Ezekiel was glad that he wasn't a suspect.

"Okay, he doesn't have it." Ezekiel said. "Could you bring Izzy in?"

"Alright, but no searching." Eva said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

Me: yeah, Eva's got her eyes on you, Zeke.

Ezekiel: I don't even like Izzy!

Eva: sure you don't.

Ezekiel: I don't! Come on guys, back me up!

Derek: I don't know about that...

Kayla: yeah, just think about all those IzzyxEzekiel fics...

Ezekiel: oh, come on!

Me: hey, you've been lying a lot so far, how are we supposed to believe you now?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **so, when we last saw our favorite detective, he was about to question Izzy about the missing MP3 player.

* * *

><p><em>Izzy came into my office. I asked her questions at length, but she knew nothing of the whereabouts of the missing object.<em>

Izzy woke up, and made no attempt to escape the ropes. Ezekiel turned the light on her.

"What were you doing this morning after breakfast?" he asked.

"Watching the chipmunks." Izzy said.

"Did you happen to pass by Eva's bedroom and find the door open?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes." she said.

"So you don't know where Eva's MP3 player is?" he asked.

"Actually, I think Chippers had it." Izzy said.

"Chippers?" Ezekiel asked. "Whatever."

Izzy was out like a light in a second, thanks to Eva's frying pan.

"Who the heck is Chippers?" Eva asked.

"I think he's a chipmunk." Ezekiel said.

"Please." she said, rolling her eyes. Then she brought in Duncan, after giving the other suspects a few more whacks.

_Duncan also knew nothing about the missing object. My leads were going nowhere. If ever I'd seen an impossible case, this was it._

"Where is it?" Ezekiel asked.

"Where's what?" Duncan asked.

"Don't play dumb with me, I know you took it." Ezekiel said.

"Oh, alright. You got me. I took your rat." Duncan said.

"Emmy? This isn't about Emmy." Ezekiel said. _But Mary will be so happy to hear she's okay..._

"Then what are you looking for?" Duncan asked.

"Eva's MP3 player." Ezekiel said. "Where is it?"

"As if I would know where that is. Have you talked to Heather?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah. She doesn't have it." Ezekiel said.

"Hmm... sure she didn't just misplace it?" Duncan asked.

"Pretty sure." Ezekiel said.

"Well, even if I did know where it was, and I'm not saying I do, why would I tell you when I just got knocked out with a frying pan?" Duncan asked.

"I didn't tell her to do that!" Ezekiel said.

"Well, I'm just going to let myself out. Okay?" Duncan asked.

"Can't let you do that, sorry." Ezekiel said. Eva snuck up behind him and knocked him out again.

"Any luck?" Eva asked.

"Nope. Our only lead now is that Izzy thinks her friend Chippers has it." Ezekiel said.

"I don't think so. Izzy is crazy." Eva said.

_Regardless of Eva's doubts, we went to go interrogate the chipmunks. If none of the other suspects had it, the chipmunks must have taken it. That was my hunch since the very beginning._

"This is crazy." Eva said as they walked through the forest, following the directions they'd gotten from Izzy. "I bet Izzy is leading us on a wild goose chase."

"You mean a wild chipmunk chase." Ezekiel said.

"Shut up." Eva said.

The silence stretched for a moment. Ezekiel began to feel uncomfortable. Walking through a forest, alone with Eva...

Not just uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable.

So he just hoped she'd speak again.

"If they don't have it, you're buying me a new one." Eva said. Of course, after she said that, he wished she hadn't.

"Well... what if I don't?" Ezekiel asked.

"If you don't?" Eva said. "You don't want to know."

Ezekiel swallowed nervously. "You're right. I don't."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

Me: Ezekiel, you better hope that MP3 player is with those chipmunks...

Ezekiel: no kidding!

Kayla: I've read ahead, it's not there.

Derek: but, Alana hasn't even...

Kayla: *clears throat*

Derek: oh, right. Yeah, it's not there.

Ezekiel: no!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** so there are very high stakes here. If Ezekiel doesn't manage to find Eva's music player, he's in a whole lot of trouble...

* * *

><p>Ezekiel got a good grip on the tall, round oak and began climbing up to the hole in the trunk. When he made it up there, he gasped in surprise.<p>

The chipmunk he'd seen on the tape was hitting a nut with the missing music player.

"Eva, you've got to come see this." Ezekiel said. Eva scrambled up the side of the tree and Ezekiel sat back on a branch so she could see.

"Are you kidding me?" Eva asked, enraged. "Stupid rodent!"

She sat back on a nearby branch and reached her hand into the hole, feeling around for the chipmunk.

"Um, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ezekiel said.

"Why not?" Eva asked. She pulled her hand back, suddenly. "Ow! The little creep bit me!"

"That's why." Ezekiel said. "Here, let me try."

"No! I'm gonna strangle that little creep!" Eva said, reaching back into the hole. "Aha!"

She pulled out the chipmunk and commenced carrying out her threat. Ezekiel could hear the little creature choking.

"Don't kill it!" Ezekiel said. He pulled it out of her hands and let it go. It scurried down the tree and far away, leaving its home unprotected.

Ezekiel reached into the hole and pulled out the stolen device.

"Thank you." Eva said.

_Quite possibly the strangest case I've ever solved. The chipmunks had stolen the music player. I did get it back and return it to it's rightful owner, and that was the end of the case. So I retired to my office to wait for my next job._

Ezekiel heard someone whistle, and he looked down. It was Izzy.

"Zeke and Eva sitting in a tree!" Izzy called in a singsong voice. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Shut up!" Eva said.

_I know how to shut her up..._ Ezekiel thought to himself. Before he could talk himself out of it, he did think he deserved a reward for helping Eva find her MP3 player, he gave Izzy what she wanted.

In other words, he kissed Eva.

And it worked, because Izzy shut up. Then her jaw dropped nearly to the ground in shock.

"Holy cow..." Izzy said.

"Now get out of here!" Eva said to Izzy. Izzy took off. Then she turned to look at Ezekiel. "As for you..."

Ezekiel felt really nervous. He got a good grip on the branch in fear she'd try and knock him off.

But what she said surprised him even more than finding the MP3 player with the chipmunk.

"You can do that again, only don't stop so soon this time." she said, a sly smile on her face.

Surprised though he was, he happily obliged.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

Me: hey, think we could keep it G-rated here?

Derek: oh, it's way past G-rated by now.

Kayla: it stopped being G-rated when they started making out.

Ezekiel: we did not!

Derek: dude, you totally did.

Eva: well, maybe a little...

Kayla: and to think Ezekiel tried to not mention that.

Me: yeah, you didn't say a thing about it in your detective monologue.

Ezekiel: hey, I was trying to make it seem like a real cool detective story. Who needs all that boring truth?

Me: uh, my readers?

Ezekiel: oh.

Me: duh.


End file.
